Embryo Adoption

In my post about having children in spite of my illness, I mentioned something called "embryo adoption." For those not in the know, when a couple uses IVF (in vitro fertilization), normally more embryos are created than are actually used. After the IVF process is complete, the couple can choose one of three options regarding the remaining embryos: they can be donated to private medical research (since research on embryos is not currently funded by the government - a source of endless consternation for me, since they could do SO much good), they can simply be destroyed, or they can be donated to another couple who, for whatever reason, cannot have children that are genetically "theirs." In most cases, couples looking to use these embryos can get information about the genetic history of the donating parents. Sometimes this includes information about the physical features of the donating couple, but parents can also choose to only receive a couple's medical history. The "adopting" couple then uses IVF to transfer the embryos to the mother, and, hopefully, a pregnancy (and then a healthy child) results.

In my case, my husband and I would only consider this option if a geneticist advised me that I would most likely transfer my illness to any potential children, and even then we might not choose to pursue this option. It is really nice to have backup options, even though this might not be DH's and my first choice. Ideally, we would love to naturally have a child, and if that could not be done, we would love to adopt a child in the traditional manner. However, after doing extensive research, most adoption agencies (and women pursuing private adoptions) automatically exclude people with serious health issues. Let me make it clear that I would never bring a child into my life if I were not absolutely sure that DH and I could take care of that child in every possible way. However, there are always unknowns in life - my health could get worse to the point where we would need help caring for the child, and, obviously, there is always the possibility that my life might be shortened by this disease. These, though, are outcomes possible for everyone, regardless of whether or not they are already chronically ill at the time they have or adopt a child. I wish that, in a world so full of children needing loving homes, adoption agencies could open their minds a bit in terms of their concept of what constitutes a healthy home, but I know that will take time. People who have never been chronically ill have a difficult time understanding how it does and doesn't affect your everyday life. The bottom line is that, when you're sick all the time, that becomes your new "normal," and you develop methods of functioning at that level, even if those methods might seem a little unconventional to others.

I got a little off track, but anyways, what embryo adoption offers is often a chance for couples to have a child without the strict constraints one faces in a traditional adoption, and to do so without the prohibitive cost of using anonymous donor eggs or sperm. Instead, one can have a child merely for the cost of IVF, and possibly some fees for the agency providing the embryos.

After doing some research, though, I find myself concerned with and bothered by the connotations that embryo adoption has picked up. In addition to fertility practices, which have offered these embryos for donation to infertile couples for a long time, embryo "adoption agencies" have formed, usually with strong Christian affiliations. As one might imagine, their "angle" is to present these unused embryos as children needing to be rescued by people who can carry them to term, and shepherd them to the lives they deserve. And to be honest, that makes me about a mile beyond uncomfortable. I'm pro-choice, and I have NEVER believed that embryos are just little children. They're just clusters of cells that have the potential to become children, or that have the potential to foster medical breakthroughs, or that may just never serve any tangible purpose, all of which are perfectly acceptable outcomes. These organizations also usually have just as strict requirements for who is "elligible" to be an "adoptive" parent as well, and they usually charge quite a lot for the process of "matching" adoptive donor embryos to the couples they consider appropriate. In fact, this whole process has made me really uncomfortable with even the term "embryo adoption." In a way, it seems like attaching the term "adoption" to the process of acquiring an embryo is just another propaganda opportunity for the religious right to emotionally convince people that life begins at fertilization. In fact, it appears as though they've now pushed the deadline forward from conception to fertilization. Amazing, huh?

I obviously have no idea how this entire journey is going to end up, especially since DH and I don't plan on having kids for at least a few years. However, the deeper I get into each of the options, the more problems I find. This children stuff is messy business, isn't it?